Listening and Responding

As we prepare to interact in our first session on Sunday, October 3rd, in our ‘Thinking through the Bible’ lessons, here is something we all will do well to embrace…

Listening without Interrupting

Throughout our ‘Thinking through the Bible’ lessons, we are all encouraged to share our insights, ask questions, and give answers, as long as we follow the guideline of ‘riding the donkey sitting backwards’ so that we ‘live’ in each of the sixty-six Books of the Bible without knowing the future beyond what each Book reveals. 

Important to our sharing together is that we listen without interrupting so that we understand the views of others. Lingenfelter and Mayers remind us: “The key for successful personal relationships and ministry is to understand and accept others as having a viewpoint as worthy of consideration as our own.”

William Stringfellow said: “Listening is a primitive act of love.” But listening has its obstacles, so he goes on to say: “You cannot listen to the word another is speaking if you are preoccupied with your appearance or with impressing the other, or are trying to decide what you are going to say when the other stops talking, or are debating about whether what is being said is true or relevant or agreeable. Such matters have their place, but only after listening to the word as the word is being uttered.”

Listening is one of the most effective expressions of love, because it honors the person speaking. It also communicates that we are willing to be taught by the one speaking. It opens the way for people to share more deeply and intimately about themselves. We will share out of the depths of our lives if we are good listeners.

Responding Wisely Promotes Good Listening

We should learn to respond wisely even when we do not agree with each other. We usually give evaluative responses. This is characterized by agreeing or disagreeing, by correcting any error we might detect, by giving a counterpoint, by saying “Yes, but…”, by changing the subject or by withdrawing. We shift the conversation into debate or close it down.

Let us promote dialogue by:

·         Probing: Ask questions that help us go deeper into the topic.

·         Interpretation: Repeat in our own words what we heard the other person say.

·         Support: Express emotions appropriately.

·         Understanding: Ask for more clarification or details.

Even though we do not always reach an agreement or solve problems, let us have mutual respect and never compromise the dignity of allow for dignity of each person present.

Interrupting others is a way of saying

I know better than you do!
“The first duty of love is to listen.”

(Paul Tillich)

“It is the province of knowledge to speak,

and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.”

(Wendell Holmes)

'Stories'

Why are stories so appealing to most of us? I like what Lon Allison says about stories in “Going Public with the Gospel”: they are “the only containers big enough to carry truth, because stories convey not just the facts but also the feelings and nuances [shades] of truth. Stories are a bigger and better container for the whole of the truth than propositions, concepts and dogmas. Propositions are wonder when filled out by story, but abstract and skeletal when divorced from story.”

Stories are basic to us because, as Eugene Peterson puts it, life itself has a beginning and an end, plot and characters, conflict and resolutions. Life isn’t simply made up of generalizations such as love and truth, sin and salvation, atonement and holiness; life involves details that connect personally and specifically.

God reveals Himself to us not in an abstract formula or a bullet list but in the kind of stories that describe the journeys He takes people on throughout history. Peterson points out in “Leap over a Wall: Early Spirituality for Everyday Christians” that “somewhere along the way we pick up bad habits of extracting from the Bible what we pretentiously call ‘spiritual principles’ or ‘moral guidelines,’ or ‘theological truths,’ and then corseting [covering] ourselves in them in order to force a godly shape on our lives.”

God gave us truth by telling stories that place truth not just in our heads but also deeply in our hearts. Only stories can speak to us in that level. ‘Thinking through the Bible’ is designed to lead us into thinking about ‘God’s Story’ from beginning to end so that as His Story develops it is lived out in the stories of our lives

Sarah Hinckley expresses in “Talking to Generation X” the state of her media-influenced generation: “We have every little inconsequential [trivial] thing, Nintendo 64s and homepages and cell phones, but not one important thing to believe in. What do you have left that will persuade us? One thing: the story. We are story people. We know narratives, not ideas. Our surrogate parents were the TV and the VCR, and we can spew out entertainment trivia at the drop of a hat… You’re wondering why we’re so self-destructive, but we’re looking for the one story with staying power, the destruction and redemption of our own lives. That’s to your advantage: You Christians have the best redemption story on the market.”

It is our prayer that ‘Thinking through the Bible’ will recapture for you a renewal of the ‘best’ story, ‘God’s Story’.

'Handling Diversity'

I’ve often heard it said that we are to ‘love the sinner, but not his sin’. I have also searched the pages of Scripture to find support for this kind of approach in accepting others. The search has led me to thinking about how different cultures vary in directness in language. I’ve learned that western culture tends to separate the person from the problem, so we can speak to a problem without offending the person. The person is separated from the action. This allows us to criticize ideas, behaviors and failures of others. I’ve had people say to me, “I have nothing against you personally, but…” It’s harder to accept when someone says, “I’m only saying this because I have your best interest in mind.” Or worse yet, “Don’t take me wrong, but…” The problem with this is that the difference between the person and the behavior or idea is not very precise. Western cultures hold a high value on logic and truth, even at the cost of human dignity. It’s acceptable to evaluate and critique one another’s ideas so that the ‘smart’ person wins the argument and gains the approval of others by destroying the other person’s idea.

Growing up in cultures that shared other values, harmony, solidarity and group identity as primary values, the distinction to ‘love the sinner, but not his sin’ didn’t fit. The person and the idea or behavior are one. To criticize my idea, behavior, or words is to criticize me as a person. The truth about a person depends on his character, and his truth depends on the character of his words. There is no dichotomy between the person and the words or acts.

When we engage in any serious interaction with others, such as when ‘Thinking through the Bible’ together, we soon begin to realize that others may hold different values and use different rules to respond to situations. What we do begin to notice is that the majority of the people in the world value relationships above most other values. So they want to be able to ask their questions, share their insights from reading and thinking through the Bible, and listen to the views of others, all in an environment of trust and respect. Some build trust by showing themselves competent in handling biblical truths, whereas others tend to build trust by spending time together where they listen and respond. The best way to build trust in a group is to learn to observe, ask nonjudgmental questions, have an attitude of learning from each other, and seek understanding when clarification is needed. It helps to think of differences as neither good nor bad (“I like that” or “I don’t like that”). Rather, we can think of them as curious differences that exist for good reasons.

Wouldn’t it be a marvelous demonstration of love and friendship if our community could hear about and even witness how we are helping each other in our pursuit of God in ‘Thinking through the Bible’?

(Once again, my thoughts for this article were stimulated by Duane Elmer’s book, ‘Cross-Cultural Conflict’, chapter 4)

Diversity is rooted in the creative activity of God

I grew up in South Africa (1947-1965), and in particular Zululand in the southeastern province of Natal. I learned local cultural values from one of my Zulu playmates. I also grew up in a home in Zululand with parents who came from Michigan with their own cultural values. Then I also attended government schools in northern Zululand with British and Afrikaner (local Dutch) cultures. But most importantly, I grew up in a home that valued a ‘Christian culture’. This is the culture that influenced most of my thinking, so that when I started reading the Bible for myself, I identified with values that were instilled in me by godly parents. I slowly discovered that the ‘Christian culture’ is trans-cultural; it is exemplified through all cultures and provides stability in all types of cultural situations. The most important lesson I discovered is that the Christian life is really about a lifestyle that learns to ‘watch God at work’ in others. I’ve since come to appreciate that the Bible records God’s Story so that I learn what He does in the lives of others in their journey of faith. It becomes quite personal when I see how He uses me to touch the lives of others for Him! It has become a lifelong journey for me to learn to appreciate the God of the Bible who wrote HIStory for me to read and think about.

We are typically egocentric – we believe our perspective is correct and better than others – so that when we read and think through the Bible, we make little effort to understand another culture. To truly appreciate how God related to individuals, families, and nations, we need to adapt to the cultural lenses of those in the Bible. This does not require putting our cultural values aside, but adding theirs. This allows us to appreciate their responses to God.

While Jayne and I prepared for her to move to South Africa, and for me to return there, we attended some classes covering the importance of cultural diversity. As beneficial as this was, it was easy to assume that since we had an ‘education’ in cultural awareness, our judgments were better. When ‘short-termers’ stayed in our home for exposure to cross-cultural ministry, we suggested they relate to a new culture by asking why they did things the way they did instead of asking why others did things differently. This helped them address any personal attitude of superiority. It wasn’t long before they put aside their personal agendas and focused on the diversity found in other cultures. This approach helps in receiving a genuine appreciation of God’s work in others through diversity. God’s grace is active in all cultures, and we appreciate this in new ways not obvious to us in our own cultures. We are compelled to love others, and this love is expressed to the degree we understand others. We truly love others when it is expressed in ways they understand love. An example of this is how friendship is expressed. In Africa we are expected to visit friends unannounced, and accept that at least a cup of tea, if not a full meal, is included in the visit, no matter how much preparation time is involved. If a time, place and agenda for meeting are always prearranged, the relationship cannot be open and spontaneous.

If we are accustomed to making quick judgments about people’s motives and character, we won’t do very well in understanding God’s Story that describes His unexpected visits with people from the beginning of time!

As we read and think about their responses to God’s visitations in faith, or their rebellion, we are able to suspend judgment and think more before drawing conclusions. We easily believe the worst in others, which is really called prejudice. The Bible calls it sin!

If we approach ‘Thinking through the Bible’ as intended, we can learn from our mistaken understandings of the past. We easily confuse facts with our interpretation of the facts. Our cultures teach us to make quick decisions and judgments so that we are restricted from keeping our minds open to culturally appropriate explanations. When we do this in our Bible reading, we are slow to accept the description of God from the Bible. This leads to biased answers that make more sense to our own cultural context. Then we justify our conclusions and ignore facts that contradict our positions. If we follow this pattern long enough, we develop a diminished view of others as our selfish view inflates. It isn’t long before others find it quite difficult to relate to our attitude of superiority.

God created human diversity, and the more we appreciate it, the more we gain insight about God and His world. His Story starts with declaring that all He created was “very good” (Genesis 1:31). For God to display variety in the human, plant, animal and inorganic world, He allows us to capture His character, grace and glory. We learn more about God, not in a creation of similarities, but in diversity.

“Thinking through the Bible’ is just another ‘diverse’ way of appreciating God’s Story. It is not intended to replace other ways; it’s an additional way to learn more about HIStory and learn about God. I pray that this leads you to better ‘know’ God!

(My thoughts for this article were stimulated by Duane Elmer’s book, ‘Cross-Cultural Conflict’, chapter 1)